Discovering Your Own Uniqueness

We value the knowledge that we are all unique. This is of the utmost importance to all of us - and yet strangely we spend most of our time making sure that we behave and act in a manner that is accepted by our fellow human beings. We spend a lot of time and effort on denying ourselves the right to be unique - to allowing uniqueness any expression in our daily lives. We are afraid to voice an opinion that is different to the general consensus of opinion -- even if we know we have a valid and important point to make. We constantly worry about what others think about us - how they see us. We strive to be normal - and yet what is normal?

Just because the majority of the community we live in believes it is normal, does not necessarily make something normal or right. It is just perpetuated as normal because most of us are afraid to say any different, to air or view a different opinion - to challenge an accepted viewpoint. If accepted viewpoints and ideas are never challenged, mankind would not progress. Humanity would stagnate, the car would never have been invented, and the attitude of caring for the environment and animals would never have evolved.

We are under constant pressure to act and dress in a certain way. Most of our actions are motivated by the demands of the society we live in. We grow up, learning what is expected of us, and when and how to carry these actions out. We are given nods of approvals by our parents and by other members of our world around us when we say and do the right thing.

Giving the right answer does not necessarily mean it is correct, just that it is what the other person wanted to hear. And we may have given that answer, because we knew it was the expected answer. Any other answer may have caused an argument or disapproval, or worse, caused the other person to dislike us.

So how can you break free from the confines of acceptable behavior, without becoming outrageous? You can achieve this by stripping the identity layers of who you believe society expects you to be - to reveal who you really are. This is achieved by self-knowledge which leads to self-discipline, giving balance.

Anyone who knows who they are will enter into associations because they see the need - not because it gives them a sense of identity. An individual will not strive to be good at a particular trade or profession in order to attain a sense of belonging, but because the effort provides the deep satisfaction of achievement.

A parent will not force their children to take on professions of the parent's choice, because through knowing themselves, they can understand others need for freedom of choice and expression. 

In order to know yourself you must first discover who and what you are.

The best way to discover this is to first eliminate who and what you are not. You need to find out how much of what you say and do is a result of outside pressures and influences, before you can discover how much of what you say and do is from your true self (which is hidden below layers of false impressions).

Do you offer to help out at a social function, only to regret it the next instance? Was the real reason you offered because you want people to like you and for people to say ‘oh yes, ask Anna, she'll do it, she'll always help anyone, she’s a jolly good sort’ etc. Or, did you offer to help, because you thought it would be fun, a challenge or from a real desire to help someone else with no thought for reward.

Do you laugh at jokes that aren’t funny, just because it is expected, or you might be the odd one out if you don't? Do you look knowledgeable even if you don’t understand what your friend is talking about?

The next time someone asks your opinion, before you answer with an expected answer, think about it, and make sure that is the answer you really want to give. Make sure your answer is really your opinion and thoughts, and not someone else's.

You need to practice the art of self questioning, if you are to find out what your opinions really are. If you are to decide which opinions are yours and which are those of people close to you, or learned from teachers, parents, the media or an institution.

Whenever you are involved in something that requires little concentration - watching television, peeling the vegetables, making the beds, walking the dog, jogging - you can ask yourself what am I thinking? Begin to study any ideas or thoughts that are below the surface level of awareness. Take a look at what is going on in your mind - that which you are not normally aware of. You will be amazed and sometimes disconcerted but it will begin to give you a picture of the true you. In this way you can begin to discipline any negative aspects you may discover.

A word of encouragement, if you discover that many of your thoughts and feelings are negative it can come as a shock. But there is no need to worry; the very fact that you have discovered negative emotions or thoughts is a great step towards changing them. After all, if you are not aware of any negative thoughts how can you change them?

Observe yourself on the outside as well as inside. For instance, when you are talking to other people, do you stand really close to them, do you thrust your face in theirs, do you grab their arm or touch them on the arm, in order to retain the attention of the listener? How do you feel if someone talking to you gets too close? Do you mind? Do you feel? Suffocated, resentful, threatened?

When you are talking do you express yourself with lots of hand movements? Do you ever use your hands to express what you are saying when you are using the telephone? Do your facial expressions change while you are talking?

When someone says something that shocks or hurts you, how does your facial expression change, or does it? Can you hide your feelings? Are you embarrassed by anything others say? Do you get hot under the collar, and how do you cope with anger, embarrassment, feeling foolish? Which subjects, and what words and activities cause extreme emotions in you?

Do you start most sentences off with “Listen”, thereby demanding the attention of your listener? Are you afraid they won't listen? Do you keep talking, despite the fact your listener wants to say something? Are you afraid they won't agree with your opinions? Do you answer most questions with “Well, I don't know, but --“. What does this tell you about yourself?

Do your answers sound negative, on the defensive?

Don't take yourself or life too seriously. Don't worry if there is anything that you find hard to understand or difficult to carry out. Enjoy your moments of progression, your moments of triumph and take your failures in a light way. A failure is not a failure if it teaches you something. A tragedy is not a tragedy if you learn from it.

Remember that there are no boundaries to what you can achieve; there are no limits on supply.

The greatest discovery in life is self discovery. There is nobody that can know you just the way you know  yourself. There is nobody that can ever be like you. You are the end product of years of evolution.

Man know thyself!